


Drawfee vs. Aliens

by Gryffens



Category: Drawfee RPF
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:27:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28421682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gryffens/pseuds/Gryffens
Summary: WATCH as Artists Attempt to SAVE HUMANITY... with ART!
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	Drawfee vs. Aliens

**Author's Note:**

> In which the author attempts to write RPF tasteful and light-hearted enough that she's OK with the people involved potentially reading it.
> 
> Edit: Fixed David's pronouns.

It was New Year’s Eve and the Drawfee crew were gathering.

Not in person, of course. Like other sensible people they were substituting a wild party for a safe, COVID-free video call. But at least they still had booze. Lots of booze.

“Man, fuck this year,” Julia said.

“FUCK 2020,” yelled Jacob.

“Yeah!” cheered Nathan. “2020 is dying and we’re still here.”

“Sadder, and more anxious, but definitely physically here,” Karina agreed.

David indicated their general agreement with the sentiment. Joy and Olive glared at Jacob for yelling.

“It’s 11:59pm, people.” Jacob said. “This is the best minute of 2020, and you know why? Because it’s too late for anything else to go wrong.”

Naturally, this was the moment the aliens took them.

***

“GREETINGS, PEOPLE OF EARTH,” boomed a voice from a speaker. A speaker, mounted on a wall, which was part of the room that the Drawfee crew had just been teleported to. A room with a window, which was currently showing the jewel-like surface of the Earth surrounded by the glittering velvet of space.

“Waaaaah,” Karina said. Her voice was fairly muffled, as she was on the bottom of a pile of four artists, one editor, and two pissed-off feline producers.

“FEAR NOT,” the speaker voice continued. “WE HAVE CROSSED INFINITE SPACE TO VISIT YOUR PLANET IN A VOYAGE OF PEACE AND FRIENDSHIP. NO-ONE WILL COME TO HARM AS A RESULT OF OUR PRESENCE HERE.”

There was a weird staticky click, like a tape deck switching between recordings. “DUE TO YOUR WORK ON _DRAWFEE CHANNEL_ YOU HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED AS EARTH ARTISTS _._ WE HAVE BROUGHT YOU TO THIS SHIP IN ORDER FOR YOU TO CREATE ART IN THE SPIRIT OF _DRAWFEE CHANNEL._ ” Static again.

“IN ONE MONTH WE SHALL VIEW THE VIDEO OR VIDEOS YOU HAVE CREATED. IF IT BRINGS US JOY WE WILL GIVE TO THE PEOPLES OF EARTH THE SECRETS TO ENDING ALL WAR, POVERTY AND DISEASE. GOOD LUCK.”

“END OF MESSAGE.”

The silence after the message was deafening. Joy and Olive had wedged themselves behind the rows of computer equipment that had apparently been transported up to space with them. The Drawfee pile had slumped over and untangled most of their limbs. In front of them the Earth continued to glow, drifting across the viewport as the spaceship slowly spun.

“Welp, I’ve gone iso-crazy,” Julia said philosophically.

***

Julia’s equanimity faded quickly when she realised that she wasn’t actually hallucinating.

“I can’t do a drawing good enough to save humanity,” she shrieked, face down on the floor. “This is _too much pressure!”_

David nodded. They were currently rocking back and forwards in a corner. Jacob had drifted over to the computers and started picking up cables, but he seemed to be staring forlornly at them more than he was plugging them in. Nathan was muttering something about how it should have been Caldwell. Karina, oddly enough, was muttering something about how it should have been Mario Lopez.

“Why did the aliens even pick us?” Julia moaned. “They probably don’t even know what Pokémon is. How are we supposed to make a good video without pop culture references?”

“Maybe they love us,” Jacob said. “Maybe they get YouTube in Orion-Alpha-whatever and they freakin’ love it when we do a Dark Souls, because that’s what they look like.”

“That would explain some of the comments,” Nathan said thoughtfully.

“Or maybe they look like whatever Julia thinks Pokémon are,” Karina said. The crew pictured this, then shuddered at the thought.

“And that’s another thing,” Julia said. “I’ve been kidnapped by aliens and I haven’t even seen any Giger-esque nightmares. Total rip off.”

Nathan shook his head, but then stood up and took a deep breath. “All right guys,” he said. “I know this isn’t what we expected when we decided to form an independent art slash comedy online video company, but I believe in _us_. If we can convince two million people that it’s worth giving up their time to watch us do a random shape challenge, then we can convince aliens that humanity is worth it!”

“Yass!” Karina cheered. But Nathan wasn’t done.

“And I bet that if we do, Twitch will finally make us partners!”

***

So there they were, with a month to do nothing except create. The ship turned out to have a small kitchen that dispensed food (and cat food) at regular intervals. There were sleeping quarters, a small garden/exercise room, and multiple spacious bathrooms. To be honest, it was nicer than any place any of them had ever lived. On the other hand, it didn’t have internet access and their phones didn’t work. They did find one extra hard drive in amongst all of their equipment which seemed to contain a truly staggering number of random images that they could use as references. The aliens really were a weird mix of accommodating and insane.

They also had whiteboard markers, which they had used to turn one wall of the main room into a giant brainstorm. It looked like the kind of thing that would make a hard-core conspiracy theorist twitch.

“Right,” Nathan said. “So we agree that we don’t have time to create a full length animated film, no matter how much we like the idea of a dinosaur who is also a priest.” The others nodded reluctantly, so he crossed ‘Velocipastor’ off the wall. “And while Nintendo probably can’t enforce copyright in space, the ‘Todd from Mario’ t-shirt design competition might go over the aliens’ heads if they haven’t been watching the streams.” He crossed that idea off. “All right guys, I think we have our plan.”

In between the scribbles, connecting lines, sketches and miscellaneous swears there were now three video ideas that had made the cut.

Number One: _Artists Draw Random Shapes as Pokémon as Disney Princesses as Dark Souls Bosses._ This one was going to be a round robin where each member would reinterpret the previous person’s drawing. They were also calling this one ‘The Ultimate Clickbait’.

Number Two: _What Do Our Alien Kidnappers Look Like? Full Drawing._ Julia and Karina were most in favour of this, as Julia would be able to go full eldritch and Karina knew that if she couldn’t think of anything, she could always just draw a Digimon.

Number Three: _Drawga in Space, The One-Shot Adventure_. Complete with animations and backgrounds created in Blender, this was their most ambitious video yet.

“How’s the network, David?” Nathan asked. David gave a thumbs up to indicate that the LAN had been established. “OK, team, let’s get to work.”

***

The month of January 2021 was unlike any other month that the Drawfee crew had experienced. For the first time in far too long they were able to hang out in person (and play with Joy and Olive). On the other hand, the pressure of trying to save humanity from all war, poverty and disease brought out everyone’s perfectionist tendencies. But even in the strangest circumstances, there was nothing to be done except to take things one day at a time. Before long it was January 31st and three shiny new videos were sitting on an alien hard drive, ready to go.

“Do you think we’ll be brought before the alien high council? Will we get to meet the alien president?” Jacob asked.

“I bet that the super technologically advanced aliens have evolved beyond the need for a government hierarchy,” Nathan said.

“I bet they’ll make us watch them watch the videos, because we haven’t been tortured enough yet,” Julia said.

“I just wish the countdown clock they gave us had been less ominous,” Karina said. As one they all turned to look at the timer that had appeared with 24hrs to go. The numbers glowed an ominous blood red, and the font gave the subtle impression of being drippy even though you couldn’t put your finger on why. Right now there were only a few minutes left. There was also a USB slot underneath it that they had already plugged the hard drive into.

“You know what?” Nathan said. “While it was super crazy that our YouTube channel was chosen to be the artistic ambassador for all humanity, I’m glad that we were in this together.”

“Yeah!” they all cheered. David started a group hug. The timer reached its final seconds.

3… 2… 1…

***

Once again they were in a post-teleport pile, but this time they were on a street corner. Luckily it wasn’t just any street corner, but was in fact the street corner nearest Nathan’s apartment building. Julia and Jacob quickly grabbed Joy and Olive before they could bolt, but not before they could scratch. The sidewalk was weirdly covered in these little strips of paper, like someone had been holding a ticker-tape parade. Standing over them was a random man eating a sandwich.

“You guys must have been one of the groups kidnapped by aliens, huh? Was it cool up in space? I bet it was cool,” he said.

Nathan pulled himself free and stood up. “Yes, we… wait, _one_ of them?”

The man swallowed a large bite. “Yeah, you didn’t know? Like, all of the artists and musicians and stuff in the whole world got taken up to space. Then we all got to watch a stream of the aliens checking out their stuff. The first two entries were songs and they weren’t all that into them, but the third entry was, like, this poem about a puppy? And they went _nuts_ for it.”

The Drawfee crew looked at each other. “So, nobody even watched our videos?” Jacob asked indignantly.

“I would be mad if I wasn’t so tired,” said Karina.

“But wait,” Julia said. "If they liked the puppy poem, did we get what they promised us?”

“You mean the secrets to ending all war, poverty and disease?” the man said. He nodded as the confetti-covered ground. “See you yourself.”

Nathan picked up a piece of paper. He started to read the writing on it out loud. It said:

CONGRATULATIONS PEOPLE OF EARTH

YOU HAVE EARNED YOUR REWARD

THE SECRET TO ENDING WAR IS TO STOP FIGHTING EACH OTHER

THE SECRET TO ENDING POVERTY IS FOR RICH PEOPLE TO GIVE POOR PEOPLE THEIR STUFF

THE SECRET TO ENDING DISEASE IS THE SPECIALISED NANOBOTS THAT WE HAVE RELEASED INTO YOUR ATMOSPHERE, GRANTING HEALTH AND LONG-LIFE TO ALL

The Drawfee Crew looked at each other.

“Well, I guess one out of three ain’t bad,” Nathan said.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> I'm Sorry.


End file.
